recent dilemmas

1. I walk to work, even though I live in Sydney. I feel like I live in a big country town. I love it.

Last week when it was raining I caught the bus. There was a woman sitting in front of me in an unzipped dress. Or not zipped up, more likely. This can happen in the morning, in the world.

Wallington wasn’t with me so she couldn’t help.

Dilemma: do I politely tap her on the shoulder and tell her she’s unzipped? Or is that creepy? Do I try to discreetly, slowly, working in time to the sway of the bus, zip her up? (I know the answer to that.)

Considerations: I always appreciate it when people tell me my fly is undone. Or that I look stupid. Or that my fly is undone and I look stupid.

2. It’s what I would call ‘fucking freezing’ in Sydney all of a sudden. I’m not sure what the exact temperature was today but I’m pretty sure I saw black ice on Parramatta Road.

Tonight I ventured outside to cook (rare) fillet steak at the (fucking freezing) BBQ. It was like that time we were in Austria and the road was carved into solid ice ten feet high on either side. Sort of.

Dilemma: do I acknowledge (again, hopeless) that Sydney actually does have seasons? Should I get the gas heater out of the attic and plug it in to the bayonet or whatever it is that gas heaters breathe fire through?

Considerations: if I plug the heater in this early in the season Eve the cat will make us turn it on and it will run from now until September. Her black fur will smoke but she will not turn it off. What about our total commitment to reduce our fossil use by … say… 1% by 2097, when the planet dies? Should I just put on my thermal bushwalking gear instead?

3. I’ve been delighting in the AFL season. Why not! I barrack for the awesome Geelong Cats. They’ve won four in a row and over Easter will thrash the piss-and-poo jumpers of Hawthorn (miraculously still better than those utterly appalling ‘logo’ jumpers they wore last weekend – how can one club demean themselves so). Non-dilemma: they are a completely shit club.

AFL is a mainland brand that will only be national when they get a Tassie side in the comp. That is long overdue. I will then reluctantly dump GWS as my ‘second side’ and go for the Tasmanian Devils.

Dilemma: I don’t know what to call all of us in this big league. Hobartians? Tasmaniacs? Adeladians? Perthites? Melburnians?

Considerations: locals will have no dilemma sorting out what to shout about themselves. In my case we’ve ditched the parochialism. We are Geelong, the greatest team of all.

Photo: The Tomahawk bags three goals in the last to lead the Cats to victory by 11 points!



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