Overseas Checklist

We’re about to head off overseas. Hooray! It’s starting to feel like Winter here in Sydney. Ten overnight, twenty during the day. That’s an English Summer if we’re lucky. Where are the deck chairs? Why aren’t we in singlets?

Every morning here is a glorious blue-sky magnificence. Sure the polar ice caps are melting but so long as Sydney remains pleasant who cares about polar bears and krill and Kiribati? Not me.

I’m for myself. I don’t care about those prisoners on our navy pirate ships either because I’m an Aussie ‘doing it tough’ and I need a holiday.

I’m mindless and listless and careless.

Here’s the proof. This is my checklist for OS.

. Fail to find the cheap phone we bought overseas last year with everyone’s contact numbers in it.

Tick.

. Leave getting a haircut until the last few days before we travel, only to find Tommy is now on leave.

Tick.

. Get a less good haircut that will look shithouse by the time my niece gets married in August.

Tick.

. Realise that I always look shithouse and blaming the haircut is pathetic. Blame parents and carbon tax instead.

Tick.

. Leave getting a compulsory PIN number on my VISA account before August 1 too late to sort online and now I will have to find an actual bank and actual bank bastards to humiliate myself before even though they have MY small amount of money and pay me no interest literally and figuratively.

Tick.

. Notice how hard it is once you start listing things to keep the listed items brief and unangry.

Tick.

. Sigh when Wallington mentions conversationally that she’s lost her glasses sometime over the past week or so, but she’s sure they must be somewhere in the house. Surely we’ll find them. Surely.

Tick.

. Wake at three am and holy shit worry whether our passports are up to date and if we really do, as a nation of people, support our government torturing fellow humans for polling purposes. Yes. No.

Tick. Tock.

. Hope that I can find my prescription sunglasses before Monday when we fly out. Surely.

Tick.

. Wonder if any of my board shorts still fit me (we’re having four days in Hong Kong en-route).

Tick.

. Toss and turn, experience regrets – I’ve had a few.

Tick.

. But then again, too few to mention.

Tick.

. Realise that we’re not going to the Antarctic and even if we leave with nothing but each other (and valid passports; note to self) we’ll get deliriously happy by.

Tick.

. Book Skoda.

. Or similar.

Tick.

We’re gone for six weeks. My plan is to blog but I’m largely unplugged. Whenever my new ipad finds wi-fi I’ll check the football scores and then let you know how we’re going.

My novel is out of the slush pile with an Australian publisher and I set off into the world hanging on news about what happens next. Fingers crossed.

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